Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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