Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
