You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
