How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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