took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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