I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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