I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
