i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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