Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
