So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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