At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
