some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
