i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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