I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you will always have a special place in my vag
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
