I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We have started to decorate penises.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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