I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This baby is an asshole
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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