next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
