i don't like sucking hair
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
