Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
