i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
