I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
