Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize