Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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