Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
