What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
