Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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