I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize