So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
