OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My bed smells like the plague
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
