its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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