just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.