I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?