If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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