You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.