I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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