What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
