your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
