sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
