Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
