I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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