Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just blew my weed a kiss
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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