I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
