i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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