chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
