so explain again why im purple
no
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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