Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
