grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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