that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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