I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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