ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
