So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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