You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
