You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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