she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
