I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
