i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize