Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
