youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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