what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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