apparently the secret to your success is patron
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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