I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Green mimosas i think yes
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
