It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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