Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
