we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
