I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
