what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
