Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
