Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
