i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
