Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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