seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize