i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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