Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
