I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i dont even know how to be here
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
