How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
