Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
