it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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