11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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