you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
