3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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