he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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