But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
